Why don't you just go for it?
Good question.
Why don't I just go for it? Why wait?
I once heard something that made me laugh but reassured me of why I should wait, why I'm not ready.
"If you're not ready for a 3-way relationship, then I don't think we should start one."
It's so easy to depend on your feelings and to be driven by emotion, which makes it even easier to make rash decisions that haven't been well-thought out or aren't exactly logical. I mean, looking back on my past I can definitely say that has happened.
If I say I'm a child of God, I should be able to worship, serve and glorify him in every aspect of my life. Not because I have to, but if I claim that he is God of my life, why do my emotions or my relationship have to be an exception? I should be able to entrust these things that he's given me to him as well, putting him first in them and seeing how I can glorify him with them.
Relationships, having a strong connection with someone, is such a beautiful thing that God created for us to experience. And to be selfish, using it to simply feed my desires and 'right here, right now attitude' just doesn't make sense to me.
So to answer that question, I don't think I'm ready for a relationship because I'm still figuring out how to serve, worship and glorify God in the aspects of my life right now as an individual: at school, at work, at home; with my friends, my family; and even when I'm alone when no one else is around me.
"I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord."
Being in a relationship and even friendships means giving part of yourself away. It means investing time, energy, and a big part of yourself into someone else. I figure, if I haven't been doing that enough with Christ while I'm single, I probably shouldn't expect that I'll be able to do that with someone else.
A three-way relationship in this context requires that God isn't the third asset just for shiggles, but that he is the center and foundation of your relationship. If God isn't #1, if spiritual growth isn't a priority, if fellowship and purity aren't important, that definitely isn't a godly three-way relationship.
I don't believe relationships are an opportunity just to "see where things go" or to "gain experience" or are even just "to love someone and to feel loved". To me, it's not about going into it blindly. It's not about practice so I'll be great at the whole relationship thing by the time I get married. It's not for me to find fulfillment, self-worth, or to feel better about myself. Relationships are a means that God brings two people together to can glorify him and further his kingdom. It's a chance for you to share the love of Christ that you've been given with someone else. Relationships need purpose and they should be intentional; my intentions going into a relationship would be marriage.
If I don't want to marry you, if I'm not ready to stay committed to you, I won't waste my time being in a relationship, settling for acts that fulfill selfish desires.
I don't want to settle for experiences I want to be able to enjoy with my husband in a relationship that I'm not ready for.
Sex. God created it, it's good, but it was meant to be shared between man and woman within marriage. That's not old school, that's biblical truth. I don't want to put myself in situations that will stir up sinful desires, especially involving someone else.
I'm not saying being in a relationship will make me want to have sex, I'm saying that there are many temptations that surround a relationship. Holding hands, hugging, cuddling - these things in and of themselves may not be wrong, but the types of desires and thoughts they can lead to can turn into so much more. And each time you allow these thoughts to cloud your mind, you're pushing that boundary line further and further that in the end leads to confusion. Soon enough you'll be at the point where you'll say, Wait... when is too much? What is crossing the line? Are we even really just friends anymore? How far do we go until it can be considered sin?
"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."
The human heart is sacred. It's not something to be messed around with, played with, or to be taken lightly. When someone's heart breaks, they fall; a part of them was given away and is now gone. God didn't create emotions and feelings so we could act upon them every chance we get, he didn't give them to us so we'd trust in them more than we trust in him. He gave them to us as something beautiful, something we are to learn to exercise well, to develop and to protect.
Until I'm ready to stay committed to a three-way relationship, the kind that I've drawn out, until I'm able to say that God is enough, until I'm able to say that with or without this relationship I will be satisfied with Christ, I'm not ready.
So why don't I just go for it? All of the above.
Patience is, indeed, a virtue. It's definitely not an easy one to keep. As for waiting on the Lord and his perfect timing? It's far more difficult as it is far more edifying, fulfilling and rewarding.
My hope is that I don't just talk the talk, but that I'll listen to the Spirit talk as I walk in hopes that I'll become more like him every step of the way.
Why don't I just go for it? Why wait?
I once heard something that made me laugh but reassured me of why I should wait, why I'm not ready.
"If you're not ready for a 3-way relationship, then I don't think we should start one."
It's so easy to depend on your feelings and to be driven by emotion, which makes it even easier to make rash decisions that haven't been well-thought out or aren't exactly logical. I mean, looking back on my past I can definitely say that has happened.
If I say I'm a child of God, I should be able to worship, serve and glorify him in every aspect of my life. Not because I have to, but if I claim that he is God of my life, why do my emotions or my relationship have to be an exception? I should be able to entrust these things that he's given me to him as well, putting him first in them and seeing how I can glorify him with them.
Relationships, having a strong connection with someone, is such a beautiful thing that God created for us to experience. And to be selfish, using it to simply feed my desires and 'right here, right now attitude' just doesn't make sense to me.
So to answer that question, I don't think I'm ready for a relationship because I'm still figuring out how to serve, worship and glorify God in the aspects of my life right now as an individual: at school, at work, at home; with my friends, my family; and even when I'm alone when no one else is around me.
"I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord."
Being in a relationship and even friendships means giving part of yourself away. It means investing time, energy, and a big part of yourself into someone else. I figure, if I haven't been doing that enough with Christ while I'm single, I probably shouldn't expect that I'll be able to do that with someone else.
A three-way relationship in this context requires that God isn't the third asset just for shiggles, but that he is the center and foundation of your relationship. If God isn't #1, if spiritual growth isn't a priority, if fellowship and purity aren't important, that definitely isn't a godly three-way relationship.
I don't believe relationships are an opportunity just to "see where things go" or to "gain experience" or are even just "to love someone and to feel loved". To me, it's not about going into it blindly. It's not about practice so I'll be great at the whole relationship thing by the time I get married. It's not for me to find fulfillment, self-worth, or to feel better about myself. Relationships are a means that God brings two people together to can glorify him and further his kingdom. It's a chance for you to share the love of Christ that you've been given with someone else. Relationships need purpose and they should be intentional; my intentions going into a relationship would be marriage.
If I don't want to marry you, if I'm not ready to stay committed to you, I won't waste my time being in a relationship, settling for acts that fulfill selfish desires.
I don't want to settle for experiences I want to be able to enjoy with my husband in a relationship that I'm not ready for.
Sex. God created it, it's good, but it was meant to be shared between man and woman within marriage. That's not old school, that's biblical truth. I don't want to put myself in situations that will stir up sinful desires, especially involving someone else.
I'm not saying being in a relationship will make me want to have sex, I'm saying that there are many temptations that surround a relationship. Holding hands, hugging, cuddling - these things in and of themselves may not be wrong, but the types of desires and thoughts they can lead to can turn into so much more. And each time you allow these thoughts to cloud your mind, you're pushing that boundary line further and further that in the end leads to confusion. Soon enough you'll be at the point where you'll say, Wait... when is too much? What is crossing the line? Are we even really just friends anymore? How far do we go until it can be considered sin?
"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."
The human heart is sacred. It's not something to be messed around with, played with, or to be taken lightly. When someone's heart breaks, they fall; a part of them was given away and is now gone. God didn't create emotions and feelings so we could act upon them every chance we get, he didn't give them to us so we'd trust in them more than we trust in him. He gave them to us as something beautiful, something we are to learn to exercise well, to develop and to protect.
Until I'm ready to stay committed to a three-way relationship, the kind that I've drawn out, until I'm able to say that God is enough, until I'm able to say that with or without this relationship I will be satisfied with Christ, I'm not ready.
So why don't I just go for it? All of the above.
Patience is, indeed, a virtue. It's definitely not an easy one to keep. As for waiting on the Lord and his perfect timing? It's far more difficult as it is far more edifying, fulfilling and rewarding.
My hope is that I don't just talk the talk, but that I'll listen to the Spirit talk as I walk in hopes that I'll become more like him every step of the way.
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