Am I a grown-up yet?
Today, I had my very first "grown-up" interview. A full-time grown-up job position.
Was I terrified? Definitely. Did it show? Most likely.
The hardest part about trying out for things or even auditioning for roles is the fear of rejection. I bank a lot on my abilities, skills, talents, experience, that I go into that audition room or interview area thinking that my life is my own. Who am I kidding?!
If I ever only lived my life for myself, to please myself, to get myself as far in life as possible at any cost, I would be miserable, selfish, and perpetually dissatisfied with life. The moment I forget who my God is, I forget who I am. The moment I forget that I am a sinner redeemed by grace, saved through faith and NOT works, I become that miserable, selfish, dissatisfied person, always looking for accolades, rewards, and achievements to make myself feel like I am worth something. This is what happens when your worth is based on who YOU are.
I have the habit of defining my day by my circumstances:
Slept in - fewer hours to do things;
Ran for the bus - should have left earlier;
Twisted my ankle - why aren't you following your prescribed exercises;
Forgot something at home - damnit.
And when I put energy and effort into preparing for something that doesn't exactly turn out in my favour, I get tunnel vision: Why did I do that? Why didn't I do that?! How could I have forgotten this? What am I going to do now?
The common factor in all these thoughts: me. After all that hard work, shouldn't things have gone my way? I question all my abilities, my skills, my experiences - why didn't these things get me what I wanted?! Self-doubt and insecurity cloud my mind. My mindset of thinking so highly of myself switches into thinking the lowest of myself. And of course, the world likes to tell us that humility is thinking less of yourself. But this is so, so wrong.
You are beautiful. You are redeemed. You are forgiven by grace. And you didn't have to do anything to earn it! In light of God's mercy, there is no room to think lowly of yourself. You've been given a gift of favour that you don't deserve - there is only room for gratitude, praise and honour for God.
In these moments of applying for jobs, auditioning for roles, putting yourself out there at the risk of rejection, remember who your God is - then you'll know who you are and who you're called to be.
Put your best foot forward by denying yourself, taking up your cross, and following Him. Lose your life to save it.
Was I terrified? Definitely. Did it show? Most likely.
The hardest part about trying out for things or even auditioning for roles is the fear of rejection. I bank a lot on my abilities, skills, talents, experience, that I go into that audition room or interview area thinking that my life is my own. Who am I kidding?!
If I ever only lived my life for myself, to please myself, to get myself as far in life as possible at any cost, I would be miserable, selfish, and perpetually dissatisfied with life. The moment I forget who my God is, I forget who I am. The moment I forget that I am a sinner redeemed by grace, saved through faith and NOT works, I become that miserable, selfish, dissatisfied person, always looking for accolades, rewards, and achievements to make myself feel like I am worth something. This is what happens when your worth is based on who YOU are.
I have the habit of defining my day by my circumstances:
Slept in - fewer hours to do things;
Ran for the bus - should have left earlier;
Twisted my ankle - why aren't you following your prescribed exercises;
Forgot something at home - damnit.
And when I put energy and effort into preparing for something that doesn't exactly turn out in my favour, I get tunnel vision: Why did I do that? Why didn't I do that?! How could I have forgotten this? What am I going to do now?
The common factor in all these thoughts: me. After all that hard work, shouldn't things have gone my way? I question all my abilities, my skills, my experiences - why didn't these things get me what I wanted?! Self-doubt and insecurity cloud my mind. My mindset of thinking so highly of myself switches into thinking the lowest of myself. And of course, the world likes to tell us that humility is thinking less of yourself. But this is so, so wrong.
You are beautiful. You are redeemed. You are forgiven by grace. And you didn't have to do anything to earn it! In light of God's mercy, there is no room to think lowly of yourself. You've been given a gift of favour that you don't deserve - there is only room for gratitude, praise and honour for God.
In these moments of applying for jobs, auditioning for roles, putting yourself out there at the risk of rejection, remember who your God is - then you'll know who you are and who you're called to be.
Put your best foot forward by denying yourself, taking up your cross, and following Him. Lose your life to save it.
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